tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679637238769603836.post5972012492222556889..comments2024-03-12T10:11:16.874-07:00Comments on Postcards from Purgatory: DisjointedGladyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03379796403577898107noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679637238769603836.post-69429363938842457952014-11-14T08:23:49.169-08:002014-11-14T08:23:49.169-08:00I hope you can forgive yourself too. Sometimes the...I hope you can forgive yourself too. Sometimes the old ghosts can crawl out and remind you of painful things you grew beyond. I had the FB thing of befriending an old friend, we had some political differences, but then recently a conversation triggered me, where I disagreed with him on something and the namecalling began. He called me a "selfish twat". I thought to myself when I was friends with this guy and his sister, I had just left the house of narcissists and found new ones--knowing that was what I was used to, and realized the "friendship" had been dsyfunctional from the start. I put up with way too much crap from this fellow, he was a roommate for a time and I faced facts he was and is a narcissist too and cold to the max. So my previous "bad friend" choices have bit me in the butt on Facebook.<br /><br />One thing too was finally finding my old childhood best friend, who never writes me on there, and didn't answer a letter but friended me. She had turned into a very wealthy DC lawyer. What was she going to say to someone like me who lives in poverty and is disabled. That unsettled me. I had the misgivings, and cried and said "How did my life go so wrong?" Yes I know some sin of envy and other weird feelings.<br /><br />In this case I looked for her and not the other way around. I barely dated due to Aspergers so no old boyfriends but that would be horrible to see them slinking back by. <br /><br />My family doesn't deserve my forgiveness as they will never repent. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679637238769603836.post-33699338818723011782014-11-14T07:40:38.473-08:002014-11-14T07:40:38.473-08:00I'm guessing my part in this was getting you t...I'm guessing my part in this was getting you to look at "other"?<br />This kinda "body slam" experience came to me the 1st time I took AA's Step 4...the personal inventory step. I didn't like who I was and hadn't for years but didn't have the balls (skills?) to do anything about it. Anyway, it hit me I HAD to do something about it in order to get rid of the guilt, shame and self-hate. The journey to a new me isn't over but my life has completely changed for the better.<br />As for the forgiveness thing...I forgave MYSELF 1st. My family is another issue. I accept them exactly as they are (assholes) and have abandoned my dreams that they'll ever change, however, as long as they continue to search for ways to mind-fuck me I will not forgive them.<br />Some time ago while I was still blogging I visited the folks for the last time. It ended with one of the old man's rages, the old girl silently nodding her head and smiling and my beloved kid crying all the way home. I know now we both needed it in order to say, "I'm done." I'm thinking that might be what you got from the "other" messages...except mine of course, that one was awesome!mulderfanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07500535934417551223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679637238769603836.post-46591172950584656612014-11-12T10:35:04.726-08:002014-11-12T10:35:04.726-08:00Wow. Deep breath. You maybe needed to look back to...Wow. Deep breath. You maybe needed to look back to see how far you've really come. I got nothing on forgiveness cuz I seem to be spectacularly bad at that (I'm a grudge-fucker), but letting go is maybe the real meaning of forgiveness. Besshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08211150594109190701noreply@blogger.com