I have been contacted by a relative on my mother's side - the egg doner mother.  And it froze me.  I was doing all this searching, I have all these questions - now the only question is, what good will it do me.  And, I don't know.  I haven't answered the email. 

My childhood was horrible.  They were horrendous parents.  What difference does that make now?  I don't know if I want to know about it.  I wont watch hollywood movies about abusers - why would I want a NON fiction story that has me as one of the main characters?

I have no room in my quiet, sturdy, happy life for a tortuous memoire.  I'm a little lost as to what to do here. 

More thinking, more quiet.  More walks.  That will help me decide.