Concentrate

In keeping with the 'Vision Board' thing, I've been concentrating on what I actually want in a new home.  Because, it's easy to put out there 'I want a cool apartment!' I have done so, many many times, and the Universe has always and forever granted me a 'cool' apartment.  But these days I'm older and wiser and the list of things I actually want is pretty specific.

In the first place, grass.  And access to A HOSE.  Do you know how long it's been since I've had the luxury of watering plants/hosing off the leaves/washing down a patio?  10 years maybe?  Just this week it's gotten Africa hot here in San Diego again - the Santa Ana wind conditions are here and it is DRY, so dry I've had a bloody nose a couple times.  So I had to take all my plants in off the patio and set them in the bathtub so I could shower them off good.  Get them clean, and hydrated - because with plants it isn't just about watering the dirt.  They need hydration.

Instead of putting them back out on the patio I've just arranged them (artfully) in front of the fireplace.

My plants, artfully arranged in front of a fireplace that I want to fill with WATER

OK - dreaming of things I would like my new home to have.  SO - yes, grass yard green plants access to a hose.  Like this:

A girl can dream, right?

Or this

Either one of those would work.

Other things I want in a new place?  windows.  Light.  Peace.  Calm.  Wood floors (or tile, or laminate, just not carpet).  Lots and lots of green yard, green plants, even if I have to be responsible for mowing and trimming.

Another reason I want to have access to a yard, rather than just a patio, (besides my doggies deserve a yard) is that I'm feeling the urge to create things.  I want to put a mosaic top on a wooden table I have.  I want to sand and paint my dining room table.  I just am feeling CRAFTY and I have no place to work.  Trying to mix grout and then rinse it off is absolutely impossible in an apartment.  I'll get kicked out.  It would ruin the patio, the plumbing, the downstairs neighbor's patio...

Which is weird, because while I have ALWAYS loved creating, it's been 10 years since I even wanted to do it.  The urge has come around again.

TW - you were asking about cycles, and year patterns.  I'm still looking for the patterns in my life.  I think I'm on odd-numbered years as far as good/bad goes. (the odd being the better years).  And maybe 5-year cycles of different things.  I'm thinking about all of that now.

Because while I love moving around, and love new places, this urge to be near water in all forms is more of a COMPULSION.  I was telling France I almost want to live IN a lake, or IN a sea grotto

I could live right here I swear *sploosh* that's me diving in

which is funny because it's so HOT and dry and all that right now.

Except for the past two days the fog has actually rolled in, all the way to Mission Valley, and I can smell the sea at night.  I love it.

And just as an aside - I don't think this is some CALLING to live at the sea.  I just really want to be near water.  Maybe it will happen, maybe not.  But I'm focusing on it, that's for damned sure!

What's in a name?

First - do y'all know what Reddit is?  Ask a teenager, lol.  It's a sort of forum, but it can be live (as in happening real time) and it's sort of conversations.  I don't know how to explain it, you just have to go there and when you look up it will be tomorrow and you will be HOOKED.

Reddit.  It's this good.

I was wasting time yesterday evening, DEEEEEP in a Reddit hole, just reading reading reading.  Lying in bed with my phone while Jeff watched basketball in the living room.  I love Reddit, and the AMA section ("Ask Me Anything") is fantastic.  People who are in whatever industry will start one, saying 'ask me anything' and man - I've learned what to NOT pay for when arranging a funeral, I've learned what not to touch in a hotel room (everything), I've learned what vacuum a professional repair guy recommends.  This time, for whatever reason, I found an AMA about a guy who is an executive chef on a 'Super Yacht' cooking for bazillionaires.  It's fascinating to read these accounts of real life, and the internet is FUNNY - people are so clever with their questions and the answers!  Here is the link to this particular one Please, click on it so you can see/understand what I mean when I say I was deep deep down into a Reddit hole.

One of the things Reddit requires is submitted proof that you are who you say you are - that you aren't just pretending to work for a yacht or whatever.  So at about 3,000 questions and answers and comments  (more or less, I dunno I was DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE lol) this chef guy posts a picture of his 'proof' that he works on this boat.  He'd been posting pictures the whole time, absolutely amazing pictures of the boat, where they were docked, the incredible food he cooked....  anywhozle I clicked on this picture, like all the others, and here is his 'proof'

cute guy eh?  When this opened from Imgur (a photo app?) it opened HUGE on my phone.  I had to scroll side-to-side to even see his handwritten sign.  As soon as I opened the pic it centered on the top left corner of the pic.  Here:

I know it's hard to see, but you can clicky and bigger it.  Guess what it says.  CASEY.  My name.  (it's not a secret, my name is all over this blog).  That is weird in a creepy way.  Like a secret message to me.

RANDOM CREEPY SHIT

I am SO glad I'm writing this stuff down these days.  When I tell you weird things happen every day I ain't just whistlin' Dixie.  So this guy is a chef on a YACHT.  Boat, water, the sea, WATER.  And in a random picture, way way way down into a Reddit, is a tile decoration on a wall with my extremely weird odd name on it.  (A name that may be more common these days, btw, but in 1960 when I was born it was not even an option, especially not for a girl.  Names like Judy, Alice, Betty, Jenny, yes even Gladys, those were the types of names.  It still isn't a very common name.)  And it's part of the boat, belonging to the owner of this yacht - on the wall behind the person in the pic, if that picture had opened regular size on my phone I probably wouldn't have even seen it.  I showed Jeff - he just said 'your life is so fucking weird' and went back to basketball because he can't. even.

Here is the portion of the thread so you can do a search for where the picture is if you want: (that surf and turf looks so damned good)

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[–]elineu06[S] 360 points 1 year ago 

Here is me making a Caprice salad on a big boat [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/vKKALDP.jpg[/IMG]

Surf and Turf: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/bw7x2jY.jpg[/IMG]

Proof its me: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/PuXsaRE.jpg[/IMG]

I still have no idea what The Universe (that sexy bitch, no srsly what a weird, wonderful series of events, at least to ME) is telling me.  The Mega Millions lotto was up to $350 million on Tuesday.  I passed a Shell gas station right when the radio guy was talking about it and thought HEY!  Shell!  ocean, sea, water - and being a complete dork I went back and bought a $5 quick-pick.  I haven't checked it yet because I like day dreaming about winning the lottery and I don't want my dream to be over yet, lol.  That would be some shit right there tho, right?

******

You know I find those hairpins, and I have spent a lot of time trying to sort out who it could be leaving them for me.  The answer I settled on that makes sense to all of me is my Aunt Kay, and my dna mother Kaye (Kathryn).  Aunt Kay was actually mother's aunt, she was my great-aunt.  They were very close, and Aunt Kay took me in several times in Florida.  Babysitting or letting me live with her for weeks at a time while mother got her shit straightened out (again).  My mother died on my birthday.  My little brother (who nobody talks about, his name is Tony Henderson where are you?) was born on my birthday.  Odd coincidences TO BE SURE.  My legal name is Kathleen so I am named after them as well.

Anywhozle, my mother and her aunt were very close, even named practically the same name.

Dad had a bag of jewelry that he and mother had bought in Italy when they got married when he was in WWII.  I have some pictures and stuff, so I know they were really there.  All the girls (us 4 dna sisters) got some kind of a broach or pin, except me.  I got a locket - gold, with a scrolly 'K' on the front.  I don't think it was a FAMILY heirloom, I think it was maybe vintage or a flea market find for them overseas and it happened to have her initial on it.  Somehow dad ended up with this plastic bag of jewelry (ganked it most likely when leaving her) and I, because of my legal name (which nobody ever called me) ended up with this locket.

(why would you give something like that to an 8-year old for chrissakes?  I'm totally surprised I kept it and didn't lose it in with my barbies or whatever.  They gave me my social security card when I was like 8, or 10 also.  You should see my signature.  I had to sign it 'Kathy' because it had my legal name on it.  WHO AM I?  fucking narcs tried to change my birthday too I'M ON A TANGENT SORRY)

*pant pant*

OK - back to the point.  Mother, best friends with Aunt.  Same name, locket.  We back on track?

My niece is named Katie.  Except, her legal name is Erica Kate.  We all called her Katie until she went to Jr. Hi and wanted a more grown-up name and started calling herself 'Erica'.  I call her both because I'm aunty and I can do what I want.  She and I are very. very. close.  Like, she was like a daughter/little sister to me.  She has told me I'm her human - like, I'm her one person in the world.  We are best friends.  AUNT.  NIECE.  SAME INITIAL.  BEST FRIENDS.  Name that isn't really your name but IS really your name.  Two names.

I gave her that locket when she turned um...  16?  18? .

I just now texted her and she sent me this picture of the locket.

Aunt = Katherine
Mother = Kathryn
Me = Kathleen
My niece = Katie

I don't know.  It just gets weirder and weirder.

Water water everywhere

It's getting almost silly the amount of 'water' themed things that are happening around me.

I have been to the beach more in the last month than in the last year.  I'm drawn to it really hard right now.  On top of that there is all this MERMAID imagery and text around me.  I was on the beach singing an old Joni Mitchell song to myself, something about ...♪ my fingernails are filthy and I've got beach tar on my feet ♫ and the very next line is 'let's go down to the Mermaid Cafe have fun tonite' and that song is OLD - I'm not even sure how I remember the words to it.  But it's a beach song, so I was singing it, and bam there's a mermaid ref I hadn't thought of.  Cracked me up,

My car is a Zephyr - and I've seen so many signs (like, business signs) or whatever, using that word. That isn't exactly a common word these days. It's a Greek (?) word, used on old sea maps - it's a fair wind.

(The fact that my car is a Zephyr made Mike start calling it Led Zephyr' and it is a 'champagne' color so of course I call her Kashmir.  Mike also calls it the SS Zephyr because it has no turning radius, handles much like a boat MORE WATER REFS.)

There are leaking drinking fountains when I walk and giant puddles right where I'm going to step when I've parked my car (don't you HATE that?).  Just yesterday I'm at the grocery store and my apartment complex called - there is a leak coming from my kitchen down to the apartment below.  OF COURSE THERE IS, lol.  They come over later and figure out it's my ancient dishwasher, I get a new dishwasher! (hurray for renting!)

The dishwasher they're replacing?  A GE Nautilus.  Can't make this shit up.

Again, like all woo-woo stuff, if you aren't living it you can't really KNOW it - it all sounds so silly.  But water is wanting me - and I'm listening Universe.  I'm not sure what the point is yet, but you have my full attention.

OH and I happened to glance at the silverware basket in the dishwasher and thought to myself 'hmm, wonder if people need those' and the answer is YES.  YES THEY DO.  Plastic used silverware baskets, to the tune of about $15 - $20

and since that dishwasher is going to be trashed anyway, and I will absolutely sell anything, I snagged that puppy and I will sell it.

P.S. I sold 5 things on Sunday! - that's the day my auctions typically end.  My goal is to get to $1,000 in my Side Hustle Bank Account (thanks Mulder!) and what with all the cans and plastic bottles I snag out of our trash and this Ebay thing, I will get there sooner than later.

**ALSO - I am not crawling into dumpsters to retrieve things!  People bag up their soda cans/water bottles into separate bags, or put all the beer bottles back into the cardboard case/12-pack and set them either just inside or outside!  But believe me - if my arms were longer I would have WAY more recycling to turn in.  (I find hair pins once in a while, but since I've really 'tuned in', they only appear once in a while.  wtf?)**

Pelicans, sea gulls, octopus stuff, sand pipers, mermaids - they are everywhere.  And believe me, I know that it only stands to reason that if I'm spending more time at the beach Imma see more sea birds and dumb beach/shell/sand/mermaid plaques.  But I'm more immersed than you would think, really.

Now I'm thirsty.