Maybe we are paving the way, like putting big orange cones and
caution flashing yellow lights along a road – maybe we’re doing that for the
next generation of kids raised with narcs, or people who date/marry narcs. They will be searching searching, all over
the interwebs, just like we did – just like we found each other. And now, because of us, they will have road
maps and signs – they will be able to recognize this bullshit. SEE it sooner in their lives. For most of us, it takes till we are in our
50’s and beyond. But what if people
start seeing this and LEAVING it (because there seems to be no other way –
there is no cure) sooner? So their
exposure is much abbreviated. And
therefore the likelihood of them contracting any fleas or ticks and becoming a
narc themselves is lessened.
Because sometimes it happens that way. Sometimes, being around a narc makes you act
like THEM. You begin to think that up is
really down – that wrong is right and wrong is MIGHT. You never grow your empathy bone. You start to believe the little narcissistic megalomaniac
who is training you (not raising you).
It almost happened to me. I
almost tried to un-man my son. I ALMOST
TRIED. There’s the difference and the
difference was ALL OF YOU. Anna Valerious and Upsi and Q and Mulderfan and Tundra Woman(<--where is your blog I can't find it!!) and Charity and Jonsi and a SLEW of others
who came before me. Who made me stop and
realize that a 21-year old MAN doesn’t have to want to live with his mama anymore. That a 21-year old MARINE can buy a
motorcycle and it has nothing to do with his mama JEEBUS I ALMOST DID IT. I almost cried and sobbed and begged him to
come home and live with me. I'm ashamed. I was
telling him ‘you used to want to be my best friend’ and ‘remember when you were
9??’ and OH MY CHRIST ON A CRACKER. I shudder. And I wasn’t even living with and haven't
been with a narc in over 15 years. But I
stopped it, and I found pride in my son for being a grown adult making grown
adult decisions and making FINE DECISIONS and it was because of all of you. (He
owes you. I’d collect from him and soon
because MOTORCYCLE)
Imagine if someone finds us and doesn’t marry the narc to begin
with?! Or finds us and leaves home
at 18, instead of 30, or 40?!? That’s
why I’m here. Telling my stories isn’t
fun – it’s gross and disgusting to sift through all of that bullshit from 50
years ago. Nobody loves talking about
the abuse we suffered as kids and teens and adults. I’m (mostly) over it. Definitely past it. But I go back to light some warning flares
and – as I told Q on a comment on his entry – to leave picks and shovels and
tarps. And maybe some antibacterial wipes. HEED THE WARNING. Beware the moon. Stick to the roads.
I hope we aren't all deluding ourselves. People are loath to call a narc a narc even as they become the main course. And the disordered are highly adaptive and will develop a lighter touch and a less sticky web.
ReplyDeleteUntil the moment of truth and the uninitiated find themselves hanging on a limb.
I think we have to keep speaking out and hope that people will at least see them for what they are SOONER.
The thing that saved me in the beginning was the thing that disarmed me later.
And that would be me leaving her locus of control at 15 and spending the next 35 years with minimal exposure.
Before I hi jack this thread I will say this.
Things can't get any worse.
For us and for those that come behind us.
"The thing that saved me in the beginning was the thing that disarmed me later" <-- truer words were never spoken. You leave, and the brain tricks you into thinking it wasn't ALL bad. Like childbirth - women do it TWICE? It's also true that the hunter adapts its strategy as the prey also adapts. But the best news we have discovered is that they are all the same. They don't even know they are following a script, and now we have a copy of it. Or is it the Rosetta Stone. We are sneaky, us Ungrateful Little Bastards.
DeleteGood point on their one dimensional approach to life.
ReplyDeleteTruth be known, they are the real losers now. They just don't know it. And they never will.
There is nothing my mother would have wanted that I wouldn't have freely provided. But that's not good enough.
She has to turn everything into a game and I don't have time for that shit.
Gladys, I regret not having kids, but I fear I would have been one of those mothers who crossed all kinds of boundaries and wanted to keep my kid(s)home forever. Too over-protective. I'm so impressed you consciously resisted the urge! Now, as I wander out to pasture, I am good n ready, but my body and bank account don't agree!
ReplyDeleteExposing our effen n's, even here in the afterlife, can only be helpful, to the newbies, to ourselves and each other. Unfortunately, I think narcissism is more rampant than ever.
Great post Gladys! I agree that the stories don't have to be great but just be. I only wish I had found all this stuff sooner, but most of the blogs I've been reading have only been up for a couple of years at the most. It seems that someone started to tell the truth (I think Anna was one of the first) and inspired the rest of us to speak up too. So yes, let's all speak up.
ReplyDeleteI revel in seein' the "young 'ens" posting, Blogging and telling their truth. I absolutely LOVE it! Do I think Bloggers are making inroads? Instinctively, yes just by the proliferation of younger people using technology to make changes in their lives sooner rather than later, their fearlessness in telling their truths, (good/bad/ugly), their challenges in freeing themselves (it ain't easy, that's for sure) and the rigorous honesty necessary to allow those scales (and not the one's they're weighing themselves on) to fall from their NP FOG-induced vision. Yeah, OUCH, but oh-so-worth-it and the benefits are not gonna be fully manifest for awhile: Time and Distance are essential IMO before you start reaping the rewards of divesting yourself of NPs, NSO's etc.
ReplyDeleteI read and follow their journeys, their ups/downs/all-the-way-around the Narc trees and it does my heart more good than any of these silly drugs from Big Pharma (for which I'll pass, thanks) and yep, they're gettin' it, they're doin' what they need to do a whole lot sooner than we did.
Just tell it like it is, Gladys: As I told Elena (another Blogger) recently your Blog is for YOU and anyone who cares to read it. Anything less than your truth is disingenuous minimally and denies your-and our-experiences, our basic humanity. Which is exactly what the NPs tried to extinguish from the moment the sperm torpedoed the egg.
TW (No Blog: I rent space from a few understanding Bloggers. They know about the brain damage and other "challenges" subsequent to the strokes.)
You know you're doing something right when you start getting hate letters from narcs. It's a surefire sign that you're speakin some truth. Lovely point about your son, brought a smile to my face.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I think it makes a difference.