I've just realized that 'The Clean Plate Club' was all about power and control - as was everything in my childhood.
When one of my nephews was little, he would throw up if he ate peas. His mother NEVER made him eat peas. He would happily eat corn or green beans or whatever, but something about peas just grossed him the fuck out. She respected that.
My parents, on the other hand, would have served peas at every meal.
OH, but since meatloaf made my father sick to his stomach, he never ate dinner at home on meatloaf night. I've talked before about how once he found out we would happily eat scrambled eggs, he decreed that FRIED eggs were the way we would now have to eat them. Which grossed me the fuck out.
Sure kids will engage in a war of wills over food - simply BECAUSE they have the power. Just, take the food away, no arguing, and NOTHING ELSE until the next meal THEY WILL NOT STARVE jeebus. But if the issue is one of being grossed out, simply offering an alternative is NOT GIVING IN. It is being respectful of someone else's preferences.
(I am not advocating catering to every whim a child has - just, if peas make him throw up, how about green beans?)
But narcs don't think like this. First, they will sit on you to force the peas down you. THEN, once they find out you hate peas, they will then make them an integral part of every single meal from that point out. THEY WANT TO WIN - and they love that you have given them an issue to fight about.
The other side to this coin is - never tell a narc what you LIKE. You'll never see it again.
One time I was at the grocery store with my mother and I asked her if she would buy some ice cream. She never looked up. She said if I buy you ice cream you'll just eat it.
ReplyDeleteOh dear lord
DeleteSNORT oh my freaking god. That is hilarious. My mother used to buy cookies and hide them. They were HER cookies. WE had carrot sticks in the fridge.
DeleteI was disarmed. I started to say oh no mom I promise I w.....
ReplyDeleteOh never mind.
I KNOW like, what - buy the ice cream so we can LOOK at it? Yes, you caught me mom, in my nefarious plan to EAT FOOD.
Delete*sigh* - but they would buy oh, raw liver or something, so the problem wasn't that we were EATING it, it was the enjoyment...?
We drove from Dallas to L.A. to go to Disneyland and my mom pitched a fit about the cost and we didn't go in. I mean right there at the gate. We were camping and going up the coast so it's not like this was the ONLY reason we were there. But really.
ReplyDeleteTalk about throwing a dog a bone and then yanking it back before he can sink his teeth in.
Me and sis were used to it by this time. She'd fuck up a one car funeral if she had a mind to.
Food was a big one in my family too. I remember at about 14 my step father shouting about how I was ungrateful, spoilt, selfish had no respect because I wouldn't completely finish what was on my plate - because I was full and didn't want anymore.
ReplyDeleteI ate it.
But now I seem to have that mentality, finish everything.