I SAID I KNOW IT'S NOT PC. It's just that - he's kind of *stupid* and aren't dogs 'sposed to be wicked schmaht? <--Good Will Hunting ref.
Aside from being a dumb-ass (but! SO CUTE! LOOKA MY DOG!)
But aside from that, he seems to give off this vibe. Other dogs (both male and female) just sometimes HATE Charlie. It doesn't happen with Fiona - just this one poor Charlie Dawg. It's weird. And see, I think I do that too. I give off a vibe that some 'people' pick up on.
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In video games, there are 'people' called NPCs. That stands for 'Non Playable Character' - they are there, and walking/standing around, but they are run by the game itself (the Matrix, if you will). They don't do anything but they will interact with you if you click on them, activate them. this guy is a fishing trainer, just hanging out at the end of a pier
Same with some of the beasts you have to fight - there you are, walking along a beautiful moonlit road like this
and if you go off just a little bit, *yikes* out comes some fantastical creature to smite you. You walked too close, see, and you triggered it into action.
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So, all of this to explain how in MY life, some 'people' react to me like other dogs do to my Charlie. They sense my vibe. Some of them seem to just be there like the fishing trainer, empty until I interact but still harmless. And some are bat crap crazy enough that when I walk past them it triggers them to attack (usually mostly verbally, but it's been physical a coupla times in my life.)
Por ejemple: a coupla weeks ago, Jeff and I were walking back across the street from happy hour at Lazy Dog. There is a strip mall right across the street from us - Lazy Dog restaurant at the far end, and then as you walk closer to our house there's uh - a Trader Joe's, then Old Navy, then Marshall's - etc. We are holding hands walking past Marshall's and we get close to and then pass a big middle eastern man, loudly talking on what I believe is his Blue Tooth headset because I noticed him when we passed (I notice everything it's fucking exhausting) he didn't have a phone in his hands. He's wearing like, docker pants and a polo shirt, dressed like business casual Friday. As we passed him he was LOUD - but unclear, I couldn't understand what he was saying and I didn't care. I just *shrug* assumed he was one of those blustery LOUD big men, all 'looka me how important I am* etc. Jeff holds my hand a little tighter, cos this guy seemed volatile? Angry. LOUD. We get maybe 10 feet past? and I suddenly start understanding what he's talking about - like all of the sudden he starts speaking English instead of jibberish (what it sounded like to me, not Arabic and not that I would understand another language anyway, but at first it was like a radio coming in loud and NOT clear, like it wasn't tuned right) - something like 'change or you will die' or 'believe or you will die' and at that point my brain said 'wha...?' and a glanced at Jeff and he glanced at me and our eyebrows kinda raised up because, that's some conversation right there! We get another 15 feet maybe, the sound doesn't fade. Like, we aren't getting further away. I'm a bit boggled at this point, it's all LOUD and IF YOU DON'T CHANGE RELIGION YOUR BELIEFS YOU WILL DIE and I'm also getting irritated because I really really hate that shit - that talk very loudly so I seem important shit. We are about to cross the parking lot and I glance behind me and the guy has been following US and uh - HE IS YELLING AT US. I squeeze Jeff's hand and pull and we stop for a sec and Jeff looks back and our eyes just kinda bug out and we both kinda laugh the way you do when you're startled, and the big hairy loud middle eastern guys IS STILL LOOKING AT US and YELLING AT US.
We are across part of the parking lot by this time and I said HOLY CRAP and Jeff said WTF? and I said so much shit happens to me and he said well stop it! because it's a joke between us now that shit always happens around me.
Somehow, that guy, that normal looking business man, was (the way I see it in my woo woo glasses) an NPC. And just by walking by I triggered him into action, and it turns out he was reacting to me like I was Charlie Dawg.
I dunno man - weird shit just happens to me.
I always just figured I gave off a "victim vibe" from a lifetime of being my family's victim. Like there was a target tattooed on my forehead that said "crap here". I realize now, my need to please everyone and have everyone like me made me a perfect target for bullies and also made me quite annoying to non-bullies.
ReplyDeleteFolks find my new philosophy: "Ask me if I give a flying f**ck" just about as annoying. But, as my alter-ego likes to say "fuck 'em"!
This especially pisses off all the local politicians I have to deal with and, damn, it's fun!
That predator vs prey thing is so much bigger than victims usually give credit for. I wrote that post a long time ago about how a child of abuse just MUST learn to not give off prey vibes! ALL human predators can *smell* them - detectives, PIs, sociopaths...
DeleteAnd we were trained from BIRTH to be food for predators! We smell like thanksgiving dinner to them. And subsequently to ALL human predators. It's almost easier for me to be a hermit than it is to go amongst the hunters, even at this stage. And I'm a FUCK 'EM gal myself!
I hear, yah! The predators still go after me now and then but instead of stepping on a doormat, like the old days, they soon find out they've stepped on a rattle snake.
DeleteThese days, I get perverse enjoyment out of being underestimated. I'll confess, I play ditzy old lady just so I can blindside the politicians.
I used to be like that too. My husband used to joke that I couldn't go to the store without getting into an altercation. But it wasn't because I would do anything. One time, a cashier (literally) lectured me for shopping at the store across the street (Walmart). He had examples and damn near pulled out pie graphs and charts. I hadn't said I shopped at Wal -Mart, he had assumed that, when I said that I didn't need his loyalty card because I rarely shopped in his store. My step mother said I must have "kept provoking him" because I trying to defend myself - plus he was just lecturing me and not checking my groceries.
ReplyDeleteI also used to have women approach me constantly in the bathrooms of bars (in my younger days) to spill all of their problems too. I always wondered if I looked like Lucy in the Peanuts cartoon with a sign that said "therapist IN". I could not figure out what it was.
It happens a lot less lately now. Not sure why that is.
On another note, your description of the NPCs reminded me of what it's like to be in the life of an N. I think they think that I only "turn on" whenever they are around. I think they think I just "stand around" when they are not around. (And I think the differences between our NPCs and a N's NPCs are that our's are strangers and random people. Their NPCs are close family and friends.) Thanks for the interesting thought.
I felt like a victim always. I can't think of any situation right now. But, when I was in college and you know I wasn't having a good time, One of my classmates told me "It's your mother, I think your problems with life has always had to be your mothers fault."
ReplyDeleteShe was 19. Go figure.
I so wished, I wished I listened to her back then, it would have changed everything.
Predator and prey thing, yes I agree. I was baptized in fire working in the inner city with violent clients and in a bad neighborhood. I'm left alone now, but that took years to happen. I also had to fight a few times to save myself from rape, and attacks.
ReplyDeleteLife seemed like a series of being jumped, sexual harassment and threats from the sociopaths around me. I guess even the antelope learn what the lions smell like and how to hide and get away with practice. Too bad you did not listen to your classmate Joan but I had a few warn me. I wish therapists had told me about NPD and sociopathy and to get away sooner. I was in voluntary therapy by age 18 knowing something was very wrong.
I know. I spent years in therapy and all I had to do was listen to that one little girl. But high school, grade school, college all the same. Then I tried to work for a living, I spent my whole life going from one job to the next because some predator would destroy my credibility or something. If I was able to squirrel away a paycheck or two before getting fired, great, that's what I'd have to live on till the next job I'd get fired from.
DeleteMy exhusband used to laugh at me, ask me if I'm going in to work drunk or something to get fired so much. No I was always bullied or my perception of normal people bullying, I don't know how to explain it. Mine was the engulfing narcissistic mother. My abilities to deal with normal life on my own, was impossible.
But thank you Gladys for putting up this very validating post. It gave me so much comfort.
The silence of my mother spoke volumes and I think made her a NPC. Only those worthy of her words got any. For me it was just anger and criticisms, no discussions of anything else unless she wanted to shovel on another scapegoat like my brother's ex wife.
ReplyDeleteGladys, was your dog the runt of the litter? If it was always the scapegoat dog, that might be what you're seeing. I agree with everyone that the scapegoat ACON provokes the same response from people. -- LuLoo
ReplyDelete