Vision Quest

Today it finally feels like summer may be over.  I don't like summer.  The relentless sunshine cloudless days here in San Diego make me crazy.  Yes yes, I know - summer is what everyone dreams about.  But people, really - San Diego is a city IN THE DESERT.  It happens to be right on the ocean, sure.  But so is Tijuana, just to our south.  'near' is also relative - I'm a few miles inland, and I can't smell the ocean, can't hardly see it unless I pay for parking somewhere (during the crazy summer months).

It's hot and DIRTY and dry and dusty, altho this summer was a little more humid than we've had in a while.  Being right on the river made that a little worse.  That river barely moves.

Look - there are some of you (yew hoo, Mulder! Hey TW!) who live in snow all the time (or a lot of the time) and i totally wouldn't like that either.  But at this stage of the game of my life, I want to live in a coastal foggy town.  Much like the fictitious Cabot Cove in 'Murder She Wrote' or any place like it - with ocean breezes and fog and rain and sunshine all mixed up.

Not to mention, this summer was very busy with me making all kinds of busy-ness.  My niece visited a lot with her adorable kid, I spent time with Mike, we went places and did things.  I also kicked off my Ebay again which is doing really well.  But looking back it seems like it's been a very, very long time from May to now.  VERY. LONG.

It's funny how you can let things slide - a little there, a little here, and pretty soon there is a mountain to climb or put back or whatever.  I forgot to walk as often as I should.  I forgot not to eat all the things in the world.  So I have weight I need to lose (again, forever and ever amen) and feeling strong I need to get back to.  I forgot to stay centered, to stay grounded.  So there is a re-connection with nature, and with my soul, that needs to happen.

I forgot to dust and vacuum very often, so there is THAT I need to get back to.

Fall always feels like a time of renewal for me, much like Spring does for other people.  I want to clean and wipe down everything - sweep and dust.  Physical stuff like my house, physical stuff like my body, and mental/soul stuff too.  I want to buy good shampoo and lotions and slather them on my skin.  I want new dishes.  I want to replace the tired worn out plants on my patio with new vibrant plants (those poor summer flowers are exhausted from 10 hours of relentless heat every day, all day.  Ain't no petunia up for THAT.)

Along with that, we want to move.  Again.  And here's the funniest thing, really - it's more Jeff than me.  And I'm the one with the gypsy soul.  But our apartment - meh.  We've been living here since we moved back from Maryland.  The carpet wasn't new when we moved in, and is now so beat down...  I mean, I do have an elderly dog who can't always wait for someone to come home and walk her down three flights of stairs.  I've cleaned it and cleaned it, but it's builder-grade carpet anyway, and now the padding is coming up through the carpet when we vacuum.

The kitchen is a riot.  A riot I tell you, of bad design topped with 'slap this counter top on nobody will notice'.  The drawers and cupboards are the worst design I've ever been around.  Luckily I have minimal pots/pans/dishes because there is honestly no place to put anything.  The cupboard may be huge in the back, but the door to get into it is >tiny< so a bowl, even on its side, will not fit in there.  The only thing in 90% of my kitchen cupboard real estate is long lost tupperware lids.  It's not great.  Under the sink smells of MOLD and they have half-assed the repair but again, meh.  The entire apartment complex was built in the 70's.  Which - either take me back to the 50's or bump me up to modern times, but the only thing good to come out of the 70's was some rock & roll music.  Architecture CERTAINLY didn't make it.

So I'm at this crossroads right now in so many ways.  I LOVE IT.  I'm a fan of change.  And this is why I love renting - Jeff is done with this apartment, so I get to find us someplace else.  A different grocery store, a different neighborhood.  Change is awesome.

I've been paying attention.  To signs and directions - to the woo-woo.  I've been listening to my inner intuition and being PRESENT, fully present, when outside.  Everything is telling me to pay attention.  I'm on a threshold, a change is happening, and if I want to have a hand in it, I need to be very present and very connected.

Lots of sea creatures have been making an appearance in my life.  On TV or in books or when I've struggled down to the ocean for a walk - I'm surrounded by splooshy waves and sea birds and pelicans and pictures of octopus' (octopussies?  WRONG) and this - this hit me so hard

Isn't she GORGEOUS?  A wild mermaid - not one of those prissy little cartoon mermaids.  But this one looks like I think a mermaid WOULD.  Wild, self confident.  With hair accessories from the sea.  She has become my muse.  I like this one too:

With her pearls and abalone bowl and fish bone comb.  But the first one - OH my she is wonderful.

I have always wanted to live near(er) the ocean, the sea.  I would love to live near crashing waves and rocks and sea birds calling and the smell of salt water and fog.  But here in San Diego, I may not get all of that, lol.  I may not get any of it.  But if we need to move, I'm going to create my reality as fiercely as I can.  I even made a vision board this time <--I'm a goon.  But I needed to concentrate, I needed to focus.  All of this sea shore stuff is telling me IT'S POSSIBLE.  But I need to focus.

(right now this seems silly that I am focusing this hard on a new apartment.  Like, why not world peace or mouthwash that actually tastes good?  *shrug* I want to live at the beach)

Here are pieces of my vision board:

I found all those images in my internet searches.  Those are not photos of anyplace I've seen.  But I'm looking.  Concentrating.  Paying attention.  It will all fall down to practicalities you know - price.  But I'm hoping for an in-law unit or detached cottage, possibly (as in the first photo) a small old apartment complex.

I LOVE that I have a focus right now.  Something to think on, to try for.  And here is the thing about the "Law of Attraction" or the power of positive thinking or "The Secret" or any of that crap.  YES - a vision board is a good start.  (so is the rabbit hole that is Pinterest jeebus).

But you also need to do the work.  From cleaning and sorting the house I'm in now, to budgeting and paying off as much debt as I can right now, to driving to neighborhoods and parking and WALKING MANY BLOCKS looking and getting the feel for it, searching - it takes actual physical work to make 'magik' happen.  You have to put the intention out there with as much power as you can - which is why a physical vision board is good.  You are working with your hands, creating and gluing and dreaming and thinking and concentrating all your energy into it.  It's potent, like prayer or candles.  It's your mental focus.  Here is mine:

It looks a little like a craft store threw up on it, but in person it looks way neat-o.  So you focus, and you ask your higher powers for help - and then you get your ass out of the way and start doing what YOU can to create that reality over here, on this side of the curtain.  While the gods and goddesses you've prayed to, implored for help, while they get to work on THEIR side of the curtain, lining up luck and intuition and magik.

And your OTHER job, the biggest one - pay attention.  Be present.  Be aware and open.

We'll see how far I get in the Housing Quest.

P.S. this works with ANY THING.  If you want to picture your life as peaceful - as quiet, and calm, and happy family (you and spouse/partner and children) and productive - you can do it to.  Create your own PHYSICAL (not online) vision board.  Talk to your partner, your kids - yourself.  Find your key words, find pictures that are evocative of the feeling you are searching for.  Talk to your higher power.  Use your head and VISUALIZE a peaceful day, a backyard, a camping trip, morning coffee on the porch...  Spin it (spiders have been very big in my world lately too!  telling me to SPIN MY WORLD, get busy!) create it as real as you can in your head.  Concentrate on it.  It will involve change, sometimes BIG change - but you will find it, your heart's desire.  YOU CAN DO IT.