Not dead yet

Still here, reading y'all behind the scenes and just taking a break.  It's been nice.

I've been reading and researching and RESEARCHING the whole wheat thing.  Wheat and sugar.  And all I can say is, if you think it might help, give up wheat and sugar for let's say 2 weeks.  And see.

I know maybe it sounds all airy-fairy or hocus-pocus - but honestly, you aren't ADDING something.  Just taking something OUT for a while.  If it doesn't help, you can always go have a sammich or fix a box of mac & cheese.

I've become sort of fanatical about how incredible this has made me feel.  I went on a 7.5 mile bike ride yesterday!!  This from someone who had to struggle last summer to get off the couch.  Although, I was in Maryland and the humidity almost killed me...  but I was riding 7 miles every other day last summer.  AND hitting the driving range on the between days!  And I couldn't feel better, I still had to force myself outside, I was still achy and fat. 

From what I'm reading, wheat has the special ability to really hurt you.  It's been horribly genetically modified from our 'amber waves of grain' into 3 foot stubby stalks of hybrid 'fiber'.  The SAD (standard American diet) has been recommending high fiber/low fat for how long now?  And all of us are chugging along, TRYING to lose weight by eating fiber bars and frozen diet meals and multi-grain sandwiches and munching on wheat thin crackers and low fat cottage cheese and it did not work for me, what about you?  How is that diet going?

I remember writing a post about how I couldn't lose weight on a 1200 calorie a day diet and I was SO PISSED!  Here, it's right here and jeebus.  I have been trying to lose this weight following the advice of doctors and magazines and BULLSHIT for - well, since 2006 at least!

I WEIGH LESS THAN I HAVE SINCE 2006

I had STRUGGLED to get this thin, this was my step-daughter's wedding, 2009.  I was about 160 pounds here.

 

And it started fucking falling off of me when I quit eating wheat.  Now, granted, I quit eating sugar too.  Here is a list of what I don't eat:

sugar
sucrose
fructose
high fructose corn syrup
corn
potatoes
wheat
any grains whatsoever
no fruit whatsoever.  NONE.
pasta
rice
crackers/pretzels/bruschetta
beans
peanuts
canola oil (rapeseed oil, it's HORRIFYING)

Here's what I DO eat
meat
steak
ribs
butter
olive oil
avocados
eggs (sometimes 4 a day)
chicken
sashimi (raw fish uh mah gah so delicious)
bacon
bacon cheeseburgers (sans bun)
all veggies, sometimes raw, sometimes sautéed in butter/olive oil

Here's what has improved:
weight:  down 29 pounds since June 20, 2013.  just under 30 pounds in 2 months.
inches:  25.5 inches lost over my body.  TWENTY FIVE AND A HALF.
JEFF has lost 22 pounds by proxy - he eats what I eat, lol.  And he drinks beer every single day (carbs)
I sleep
My energy is KAPOW
I don't HURT in my joints
no gout attacks
sex drive is back (Jeff nods vigorously)
Memory is back
Give-a Crap is back
Happy IS BACK
Hardly ever hungry. 
Hypoglycemic attacks GONE

Look.  Like I said.  Just try it.  All you're doing is removing something from your diet.  I'm not saying to take a supplement, or a pill, or buy a book or join a cult.  And it's easier than you think.

Jeff and I in 2002

Jeff and I in 2011

 

The difference in the two pictures above is fucking horrifying.  I was so healthy and happy in the first one.  I remember that second picture - in Sweden.  I felt like crap, I was SO FAT and ugh.  I wanted to FEEL healthy again, besides the vanity of wanting to be smaller.

December 2012 - no smaller even though I'd been trying like hell

READ.  read read read.  I've given you links, I will give you more.  YOU decide.  But it seems to me that the link between Monsanto and big agriculture and the US Govt food pyramid and obesity in this country and the rise of things like celiacs and asthma and skin rashes and inflammation, and rheumatoid arthritis, and PCOS and thyroid issues and hormone imbalance and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - it all seems so fucking fishy to me.

I worked in the clinical trials industry.  I'VE heard first hand stories about all this crap.  And I can't imagine that taking more chemicals in the form of "medicine" is the way to go, when it would be so much easier to just TRY and remove a substance from our diets.

Do you know what causes diabetes?  Yes, insulin imbalance.  What spikes insulin?  Glucose.  What turns to glucose in your system the fastest?  WHEAT.  What doesn't spike insulin?  Protein.  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/diabetes/#axzz2dTwYv6ke

http://www.nffc.net/Issues/Corporate%20Control/USDA%20INC.pdf <-- PDF

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/definitive-guide-grains/#axzz2dTaUhwX1

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/simple-complex-carbohydrates/#axzz2dTaUhwX1

(three of the above links take you to MDA, but the articles link outside sources and I am not going to reinvent the wheel.  That Mark Sisson guy is pretty smart.  he also has a lot of detractors on the net - please do your own research)

http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/ I have his book.  It's written sort of badly, but his links are good and the info on the blog is good.  I just find the book sort of juvenile.

http://www.organicconsumers.org/monsanto/ - Monsanto has to be one of the most horrifying corporations I have ever heard of.  Did you know that any farmer who is government subsidized (which ones aren't?  ORGANIC FARMERS) are contracted to buy their seeds through Monsanto or another same-type organization?  The seeds these companies provide will not propagate.  Which means a farmer cannot harvest their own seeds for the next growing cycle.  They HAVE TO BUY more seeds from the same company, or lose the subsidy (losing the farm, so to speak).  Monsanto has genetically engineered the seeds to not reproduce.  They can come and take a DNA sample of the crop and see if the plant was grown from a Monsanto seed.  Wheat, corn, soy - HAHAHA you thought soy was the new protein??  It's all GMO and kind of a frankenplant.  And not good for you.  Remember how Pa Ingalls would buy seeds?  Or any story from that time, there was a 'seed man' coming around in a wagon, selling corn or wheat seeds?  Now it's Monsanto.  The same people who bring you Round Up poison.

OH HEY - the wheat is also called 'Round Up Ready'!  Cos it's genetically modified to be able to be sprayed with Round Up for bugs and not die!  How convenient for the maker of the seed and also the spray. 

What about the school cafeteria menus?  government schools!  It's state run, remember, just like Russia.  Pizza.  Spaghetti.  Oh, just look it up, you can find your kid or grandkid's school menu online.

My own kid suffered HORRIBLY from asthma.  Like, Mike was in the urgent care just about every weekend.  He also has hideous dermatitis rash on his skin, and as a kid it was so bad.  I was poor.  We ate a lot of mac & cheese and spaghetti and rice and fish sticks and hot dogs and frozen veggies.  I had no idea.  regrets?  Yeah, I got 'em.

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/concentrated-animal-feeding-operations/#axzz2dTh8Ke5z  Again with the MDA website, but follow the links.  We all know how horrifying the animal industry is.  Now I am researching a grass-fed organic farm here in Temecula where I can buy chickens that actually eat bugs the way they are supposed to, that scratch and feed in the grass naturally.  Cows that eat fucking GRASS.  I'm also going to start my dogs on all protein, since dogs don't need fucking CORN (read the ingredients on your pet food).

I eat almost ALL protein.  I eat fat.  Real, grassfed butter.  Bacon (uncured).  I'm lucky that we have no kids at home anymore, so we can still spend the same on our food budget and get better stuff.  But just cutting out wheat is SIMPLE.  It costs LESS.  I am making a dr appt and I will post my numbers when I get them.  Like my cholesterol and blood pressure and all that - but I'll betcha a hundred bucks they all GO DOWN.  Yes, even while I'm eating eggs (the whole thing, Omega 3's baby!) and steak and (healthy) fats.

And you will eat less.  You will spend less because you will eat less.  Because you wont be hungry every 2 hours.  (however, you will cook more...)

158 pounds, August 22, 2013.

 

 

Behind the scenes

I've been sick and exhausted and fat for a long time - since a hysterectomy threw me into menopause about 8 years ago, I've been suffering.  The black hole of depression almost did me in.  For the last 5 years I've been searching and looking for a way out.

I went to doctors hoping for a diagnosis and a pill of some kind that would help.  Maybe hormones.  I also thought I had fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue symdrome.  TW put me onto the clue that my thyroid may be messed up.  But all my tests came back 'within normal ranges' and I didn't REALLY want to take any more chemicals anyway.  I was depressed and just felt sick and I ached and I was exhausted and it was ugly.

Before menopause I was always active, always fairly healthy (barring drugs and alcohol HA HA so not funny).  But I was always happy in my own skin. 

This is the picture I submitted to the online dating site where I met Jeff, it was 2002 and I was 145 pounds

 

Menopause threw every one of my systems into acute distress.  Hormones - yes yes, estrogen, testosterone, but ALSO insulin and adrenaline and thyroid function.  It all went south and I don't know if you've been there, but I could tell my body was fighting something.  I felt poisoned and just OFF.  I decided to tackle these issues from a nutritional standpoint.  Something I was putting into my body was killing me.  I researched the holy fuck out of my symptoms - not just on medical sites, but also on forums and personal blogs of people who had actually had the same symptoms and their data on repairing their bodies.  End-user data, my favorite kind.  Because I do not trust the FDA.

My research all led to the same place.  And, I just two months ago quit eating ALL forms of sugar.  ALL of it.  Anything that my body turns into glucose (besides vegetables).  I no longer eat bread.  Or pasta.  Or rice.  Or any kind of grains whatsoever.  No starches - no beans or corn or potatoes.

Within one week my body felt better.  I was sleeping better.  In a month I stopped having hot flashes.  My skin is better.  My eyes are brighter - my energy is through the roof.  I walk at least 2 miles a day, more often I do 3 or 4 miles a day. 

Changing what I was putting into my body has been transformative.  In two months I have done this:

No, it isn't difficult.  If you ate a tomato and that tomato gave you painful hives, you would have no problem not eating tomatoes again.  Sugar (glucose) causes unbearable inflammation in my system.  Grains/pasta cause stomach cramps, bloating and gas (you're welcome).  I eat protein and veggies.  I am at almost zero carbs per day, I would say less than 50 grams, and that includes ketchup and the 1/3 of a dark chocolate bar after dinner (what??). 

Jeff and I in Sweden, 2011 FAT FAT FAT

 

Jeff and I when we started dating, 2002 (big yards of beer)

 

It isn't just about the weight.  Let's face it - I'm 52 years old, I'm not going to be buying a bikini or trying out for a Real Housewives show.  I'll tell you what the best part is.  My body has stopped fighting itself.  I'm CALM.  My brain is MUCH calmer.  My depression is so lifted that I'm thinking of talking to my doc about weaning off the Welbutrin.  I'm not all bloated and inflamed and there are no more aches and pains (other than you know, bad knees and hips).  I'm not fucking exhausted all the time.

 



When I say I eat protein and veggies, ha - I'm not talking a boiled chicken breast and lettuce.  I eat sashimi.  Bacon cheeseburgers with no bun, but more avocado please.  Tri tip steak with asparagus or Brussels sprouts.  If we go out to dinner, I just ask for the steak & veggies, hold the tater.  I can't even begin to describe how I don't feel deprived.  Because starches/grains cause me so much distress, it's easy to not eat any of it.  I'm planning on going to brunch this weekend and getting eggs benedict.  Just, no bread.

If you want to research this for yourself, I can give you some starting links:
Mark Sisson's 'Definitive Guide to Grains'
The website the above link takes you to is CHOCK full of info.  But you must do your own research.  Use the search feature on that website, but also GTS! (Google that shit) - nobody can find your answer but YOU.
The book 'Wheatbelly' - grains are creepy stuff

If you are suffering, keep researching.  Keep looking.  My answer may not be YOUR answer.  Don't stop trying. 

I just don't feel like writing right now

I've been staying away from my blog for a while.  Q did a post about the same thing, how it's the opposite of FUN for us to dig into our psyches and present you with the mélange of flavors of abuse from our childhoods.

It's actually exhausting and ugly and we (none of us) like it.  We just have to lance the boil every once in a while, let off the pressure.  I just wanted a break.

The next portion of the story was already written, anyway - here, at this link for The Scapegoat at 13.  I need to insert the SILVER TOOTH incident, but essentially the story is complete so far.

What people don't understand - and you know, I am GLAD people don't understand.  That means they didn't live with the abuse - they have no idea, and really, GOOD.  I'm glad there are families who don't/didn't participate in this bullshit.

But what you don't understand is that what we suffered under was a huge, heave dose of mind control.  The military couldn't have done it better.  Look up the experiments conducted under the name MK Ultra - that's what we got.  We got our brains shattered with fear and uncertainty, and then up turned down and day turned into night and we had to believe in order to survive.  We had to create our own reality to survive.  With the broken mind of a child.  welcome to hell.

We had to de-program ourselves.  It took/takes a lifetime.  Do not think for one minute we are whining and puling about not getting the right gift at Christmas.  We are talking about (for example) seeing a gift.  getting handed the present! eyes light up, heart pounds, it's CHRISTMAS!  Then we are *slammed* in the face with that gift.  While the Nat King Cole record continues to play, the lights twinkling softly in the background, we are getting slapped and slammed with the present.  Then the present is shredded and destroyed in front of our sobbing self, and we are told it was our own fault since our hair wasn't brushed to the correct side of our heads.  The rest of the family goes on with presents and laughing and happy day, while we are left stunned, broken, freaked out, with a destroyed present in front of us.  IT WAS OUR FAULT, we believe it!  but, we don't believe it, because *huh*?  but they said it was, it must be.  Evidently hair brushing is an offense up there with rape and arson. 

Happy Fucking Christmas, assholes.  YES.  we are whining about not getting the right gift.  your understanding of the problem is spot on, as usual.

go away.