It's ok.

Things I've been learning:

•         Geraniums are easy, azaleas are difficult.
•         Being louder and more vehement does not make you righter.
•         Some relationships can’t be fixed.
•         Even when you think it’s your fault – even when you know in your heart it’s really honestly mostly your fault, it’s ok to stop trying.  Some things just can’t be fixed.
•         It’s ok to forgive yourself and really mean it.
•         Sometimes people talk too much, say the wrong thing.  It’s ok to let that go – it’s ok to say ‘I know you didn’t mean it, it’s forgotten’ – and people really mean it when they say it to you.
•         It’s ok to forgive other people and really mean it.
•         I’m really, really good at some things.
•         I’m really, horrifyingly BAD at some things.
•         Some of the things I thought I was good at are things I am really, horrifyingly BAD at.
•         Every single thought in my head doesn’t need to be spoken aloud.
•         I don’t have to say ‘I’m sorry’ every time.  Sometimes I’m NOT sorry.
•         It’s ok to do the right thing because you don’t want to look like a dick, not because you feel like doing the right thing.
•         It’s pretty much never ok to do the wrong thing.
•         Even people who really believe in god, and jesus, can be afraid of actually MEETING god or jesus.
•         I’m not afraid to die.  I don’t WANT to die, I’m just not afraid of it.
•         Selfish self-centered people will be just that, right up to the end.  Not everyone has a Scrooge-like epiphany.
•         It’s ok to like some of the people some of the time.
•         It’s ok that you find some people just awful some of the time.
•         Family really IS family, no matter if it’s the one you’re born into or fabricated. 
•         Family trusts.  And forgives.  And holds you in a million different ways.  If they don’t, they aren’t.
•         I like to make plans.  I hate to follow through.
•         Sometimes a dog will pee on the carpet no matter how many times you walk them. 
•         It’s ok to WANT to kick a dog.  Doing it is different.
•         I love the sound of the dishwasher and washing machines going.
•         I hate the timer buzz when the stuff in the dryer needs putting away.
•         When I let go and stop worrying about something being PERFECT it usually turns out JUST FINE.  Perfect will never happen.  Fine is FINE.
•         Music helps.  Silence helps.  Reading helps.  Solitude helps.  I am what I am, it’s ok to just accept that.
•         My husband has my back.  Even when he’s being a pain in the ass, he has my back.
•         It’s ok.  It’s ok.  It’s ok.