*Title of this post is a play on the Vulcan greeting "Live Long and Prosper"
...which is the opposite of what I wanted my ex husband to do.*
I had the following same arguments over and over and over with my first husband. These days, I see them for what they are - his attempts to narc me. I was relationship-stupid, but I wasn't going to fall for that crap. From this distance, I am giving myself a high-five and a 'hellz yeah!'
1. I told him many times not to tickle me [I have given bloody noses to people who tickle me. It's not fun, or funny. It's invasive and torture and I hate it.] So he would walk behind me and *poke* me in the ribs to startle me, to tickle me. I would get FURIOUS and then he would get mad at me! So I would say: "I ask you specifically and frequently NOT to do a thing. Then you do that thing. Then I get upset, and then YOU GET MAD AT ME!? What in the fuck is that all about??" and he would just huff and walk away. He had no answer to my logic. This happened in varying ways several times.
2. We were fighting (surprise) and he said something, a factual statement that differed completely from his last stance (he went to the store after work vs. he worked late, or something). So I asked (YELLED AT) him "last week you said A. Now you are saying B. So, were you lying THEN, or are you lying NOW!?" Oh, he hated that. I have an almost perfect memory for conversations (hello scapegoat narc syndrome) and I could repeat VERBATIM what he had said the first time. His attempts to gaslight me were laughable, but his reaction when I held his hand to the fire? He couldn't THINK. He would mutter something '...well that was...' and I would repeat "were you lying then? or are you lying NOW? it's an easy question asshole! just man up and tell me which time was the lie??" He would walk away.
Har. They HATE being caught in lies. And he wasn't particulary quick on his mental feet. I'm GOOD in a fight. Better than good. Mike's dad has called me a 'verbal ninja' - and I can get behind that description.
I was still low-self-esteemy enough to stay with this disgusting creep for over 2-years. But his attempts to give me the full on narc treatment were deflected every time. There is so much more about this guy, that's another post. But it was my use of Spock-like logic that drove him nuts. He could not refute me!
OH! He was driving my little SUV, we had bought a brand new van that I drove (on MY good credit, goodbye good credit!) and every day I would yell at him for smoking in the SUV. He would try to tell me he wasn't. Like you can't smell cigarette smoke EVERYWHERE, not to mention one of my super powers is my sense of smell. One day I took him out to the car and showed him the line of ash on the outside driver door and back panel. He muttered and stumbled and said 'well, IF i smoke I have the window down' <--if. IF I SMOKE. I was completely laughing at him, pointing at him and laughing (I am SUCH a bitch in a fight, you do not want to fight me when I know I'm right) and I was yelling at him "so you ARE smoking in the car! I TOLD YOU I KNEW IT! The car smells like cigarette smoke you asshole! YOU AREN'T FOOLING ANYONE!
Oh, he hated that logic I used. He hated that he couldn't get one past me. (I married him, let's not get all egotistical about how smart I am)
He was never physically abusive, but it was going in that direction.
(Mike, you have said you didn't realize he was that bad. You were about 3, 4, 5-years old at the time. I hid EVERYTHING bad from you. It was my job as a mom to make sure you felt safe. I'm glad you didn't know how bad it was. But, uh, I MARRIED SOMEONE I felt I needed to keep you safe from. MY child abuse was still ringing in my ears, I was still making bad decisions based on my childhood. I thank every god there could ever be [like that guy from The Mummy] that I had the sense to keep you out of it. JEEBUS it's like I almost let you get hit by a bus.)