Friday, September 27, 2013

Cranky Old People

There was an older guy in line in front of me at the post office.  He was about 70 - and he was one of those cranky, *SIGH*ing, huffing assholes that need to vent about something, anything.  "look at this.  There is only one clerk, this big line - and we pay their salaries" <--I almost choked that old man to death right there.  The other clerk was in the back sorting the packages that someone had just mailed - he was performing the last of the previous transaction and was GETTING BACK TO THE LINE.

Here these people are, working at a thankless job, wearing NAMETAGS for crissakes - (yeah yeah, they work for the government but everything I've seen about post offices tells me I wouldn't ever want to work there) but this could have happened in line at Target or wherever too - these cranky fucking old men (women too) who need to SIGH and HUFF until someone gives them eye contact and they can bitch to an audience.

To live your life in a bad mood - what a nasty way to live.  When he started in I said "THEY are the ones working right now.  I'm fine, I'm on THIS side of the counter" and he turned back away from me with a startled look.  I mean jeebus, asshole - you're in an air conditioned room, spending 5 freaking minutes NOT WALKING with your cane and you're bitching.  And go home and SHOWER you old fucker - the dandruff in your ear hairs sticking to your disgusting hearing aids is grossing everyone out.  Trim your ear hairs too.

There was another time, I was in line at Walmart, and this same (type of) guy was behind me.  There was a cute teenager girl in front of us with her mom, and she had a cell phone in the back pocket of her jeans.  The old asshole pointed and said something about "they each have one of those it's ridiculous looks stupid in that pocket they probably sit on them" and me, being me of course I looked at this old fucker and said

"remember back in the day when kids had cigarette packages rolled up in their sleeves?  yeah, it's a teenage fashion statement, just like that" and he was taken aback - hadn't thought of HIS OWN GENERATION doing the exact same fucking thing.

Then I said "these kids don't sit on their phones.  They're too expensive and too precious to them - they know where those phones are at every second."

I hate assholes.  I mean, no looking at teenagers and smiling because you remember what it was like to be 14, no having pity on a worker-bee somewhere because you remember what it was like to work with the public at a thankless job.  Don't spend the 5 minutes you are waiting in line to be PLEASANT.

My dad was like that.  Always looking for something to bitch about.  Talk LOUDLY about the waiter to one of us, "this is the WORST service I have ever seen blah blah" it's such a "I'M BETTER THAN YOU" thing.  It's a LOOKA ME! thing.  It's disgusting.  Jeff's dad does the same thing!

I will always take these people on.  Every time, every chance - it's like my personal mission in life.

Just be pleasant, for crying out loud. 

*kids prolly DO sit on their phones all the time, but I wasn't going to let him know that!*  :)

Monday, September 16, 2013

Huzza good sir!

I spent ALL WEEKEND doing this:
For the non-geek - the above is (not mine) screenshot from the game World of Warcraft.

You create a character and then wander around in Medieval times whacking and slashing at monsters to complete quests, for which you get coin with which to buy more pretend armor at a pretend mall kiosk for your pretend character.  Then you LEVEL UP!  So you can fight BIGGER monsters!  Pretendly! 

It sounds stupid.  But boy is it fun.  Jeff and I went a-questing together, me as a hunter (my might bow & arrow) and him with his great-sword (oh yeah....) and man it was fun.

OH!  But first, I went to San Juan Capistrano with the EP France!
They named a planter after her.

We rode the train from SD.  It runs right along the coast most of the way, so we watched surfer boys and talked and talked.

During 'The Dark Days' tm, I never would have been able to get out and about like that.

I sure do like my life, these days.  I'm still avoiding the whole 'child abuse' thing.  I'm not lookin' at it, so it can't see me.

It's still 78* every day in San Diego.  Fall is just not happening here yet.  I'm going to go walk 5 miles, to make up for sitting on my ass in front of my computer most of the weekend.  But that game is SO FUN.  I may have to complete some more quests after it gets dark tonight...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

3 month report (yes more diet crap shut up)

What's changed since June 20, 2013:
  • 30 pounds lighter.
  • 25 inches lost on my body.
  • Down 3 sizes.  Started at a 16 - I can wear a 10 now, and depending on the manufacturer, I can get into an 8.
  • Plantar Fasciitis is gone.
  • Not one sinus problem - and I had chronic sinus infections.  I don't even remember where my neti pot is.
  • Smoother skin
  • TMJ is disappearing
  • No gout pain.  No arthritis pain.  NO JOINT PAIN
  • Depression is completely just fucking GONE (still taking Wellbutrin, but I'm going to begin weaning off of it)
  • Mood is good.  Like, I'm in a good mood all the time.  I still spend a lot of time alone, my basic personality hasn't changed, but I'm happy.  ??  Feels weird to say that.
  • My taste buds - wow.  Everything tastes like FOOD.  Butter tastes like heaven.
  • I'm not TIRED all day.  I get sleepy and tired like at night, when you're s'posed to.  But I'm not saying "waaah I'm tiiiired" all the fucking time.
  • I love exercise.  <--who says that, right?  But, seriously.  When I start walking, I start smiling.  I walk 4 or 5 miles a day and just DIG IT.
  • No hypoglycemic episodes this entire time.  Do you know what it feels like to have one of these attacks?  It's so mind-blowingly awful - I ate every 2 or 3 hours just to keep them at bay!  These days?  I eat twice a day, sometimes my first meal isn't until 1:00 PM.  AND NO ATTACKS.  jeebus.
  • I do NOT count calories.  Or track points.  Or weigh anything.  Food is EASY and uncomplicated.
Me on Coronado island, I forced Jeff to rent bikes and HAVE FUN DAMMIT

I don't feel like an old lady anymore.  My brain feels sharper - I'm thinking clearly.  I'm able to be around people and not want to kill them dead (well, not as often.  Say, maybe only every OTHER minute.)  I laugh more.  I'm not swollen and puffy and out of breath.

I feel FINE.  fine?  what is that?  Do you remember the last time you had no aches and pains?  because for ME, these days, when something hurts, it's a 'hey wait a minute!' thing, not just part of the chorus of painful parts in the background.

Your joint pain will get so much better you wont be able to believe it.  TWO WEEKS IN and I had no knee or hip or knuckle pain (unless I tried running upstairs, HAR like I would do that, but old knees is old knees, no matter what).

Hypoglycemia vs. Regular Hunger:  Who knew that being hungry wasn't a fucking EMERGENCY!!?  All of my life, when I got hungry, it was this panic inducing thing.  Hypoglycemia makes you feel wicked weird, panicky, light headed, unable to think, can't move - it's just horrible.  I knew to eat breakfast and keep food in the car/my purses.  Granola bars, protein of some kind, peanuts, something.  ANYTHING.


My insulin never spikes.  So it never crashes.  My insulin levels stay the same, all day.  I can now go HOURS without even thinking about eating.  And when I DO get hungry, it's a little 'hey, food would be good soon' feeling.  This is the hugest thing - I wish I could make everyone understand.  It was so horrible, that feeling.  I haven't felt like that ONE TIME since starting eating like this.

Again:  I don't think of this as a diet.  And I hate that whole 'way of life' thing too.  I also hate 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' or any of those weight loss platitudes.  The weight loss is secondary to my body being healed.  I am deathly allergic to grains and sugars.  Removing that stuff has done the above positive things to my body.  When I say 'deathly allergic' I don't mean instant anaphylactic shock stuff - I mean I WAS DYING.  Inflammation and a crashing hormone system (adrenals, cortisol, insulin, estrogen, all of it) was absolutely slowly sending me to my grave. 

I was miserable.  For 8 years, I have been miserable.  I'M NOT MISERABLE NOW.

One of my points above:  I do NOT count calories.  Or track points.  Or weigh anything.  Food is EASY and uncomplicated.  Food is just that, it's food.  I eat when i'm hungry and don't eat if I'm not hungry.  It took a while to get to the point where my body could tell me what it needed.  I just had to get all the other noise out of the way so that I could listen.  And hear.

What do I eat?  People ask me that all the time.  "I could never give up bread!" well, fuck yeah you can when you realize how shitty it makes you feel.  "I could never give up pasta!" ditto.  I do not feel deprived because that stuff makes me feel horrible if I have one serving of it.  The only carb I have been able to add back in is white rice.  White rice (not freaking WHOLE GRAIN) doesn't affect your glucose hardly at all.  I only ate like 1/4 cup of it mixed with chicken, and I did ok.  But I only had it once - just to see if I had a reaction to it.  I feel fine and FULL without it, I don't need the empty calories.  SO - back to the question, what do I eat?

I've listed this before, but I'll do it here too so you will see.  Around 1:00 PM when I get hungry, I will make a hamburger patty.  I fry it in Kerrygold grassfed BUTTER <--(oh my god!  butter!  yeah, fat doesn't make you fat)  I mean, a little bit of butter.  A tsp, not a stick.  Possibly add some cheese, but not always.  OR, I cut up some leftover steak (there is always leftover steak now) and sauté that in (a little bit of) butter, dump that into a bowl, then fry a couple eggs over-easy and put that on top of the steak pieces and nom the hell outa that.  Some avocado on top of both of those things and *bam* it's great.  I eat a little bit of Trader Joe's organic ketchup - TJs also has this wasabi mayo that I mix with the ketchup for a bitey thousand-island type thing.  But it's a minimal amount of that sauce stuff.

For dinner we have steak and a veggie, asparagus or something.  A burger patty (Jeff has two) and some avocado.  If he wants potato, he has it.  He's LOVING this eating thing.  He's lost about 20 pounds and still drinks beer every freaking day.  He doesn't miss the bread either. (until a pizza commercial or Man Vs. Food comes on, then he cries softly to himself while I scream NO CARBS FOR YOU!)
Know what?  I don't really think about it.  I don't look for recipes and try and find interesting things to make, because 1. meat is delicious, and 2. food is just fuel.  It isn't a big party, it isn't a big deal, it's just fucking FOOD.  My life doesn't revolve around food anymore.  I don't really CARE anymore, lol!  It's like looking at a mirror with fat lines of cocaine on it.  I know how that is going to make me feel if I ingest it, I don't want to feel like that, so I'LL PASS.

If we are eating out, I will get a burger no bun.  restaurants are so used to that request they don't even blink.  Or I get the sashimi appetizer (here in San Diego you can pretty much always get raw fish).  Or I get carne asada with no tortillas or beans/rice.  (I then eat all the guacamole GET BACK OFFA MY AVO).  Salmon and zucchini.  I don't worry at restaurants if it's PRIMAL like no canola oil, blah blah I don't want my food to be complicated, it's ONE meal, just gimme the burger and don't tell me what cow it came from.  I don't want to be THAT person at the dinner table, you know?

When people hear I eat red meat and fat and no grain fiber, they get all weirded out and 'cholesterol!!' and 'blood pressure!!' and 'FAT!!" and people.  NO.
OK so - if you read this far - I stopped researching narcs and also religion and jesus and stuff, and turned my big fat brain toward researching carbs and brain health and hypoglycemia and menopause weight loss and depression - and it all led to the place where I've been leading YOU.  Grains are bad.  Glucose is bad in large quantities.

Just try it.  Here's the books again - it's that important to get people to read them.  yeah, now I'm pointing you toward books but I didn't buy them at first!  I read and read on teh interwebz.  But some people want books, I know I do - so here.  These.

The Primal Blueprint.  I also highly recommend his website.  Here are the success stories.  I don't buy anything else from the site, in fact I got (downloaded) the book from B&N.  I am mostly primal now - so are my dogs (Thank you TW!!)
Wheat Belly - explains why you have a giant pot belly and why.
Why we get fat - another great science-y book about insulin and carbs

Yeah, we've been told all of our lives to believe the government food pyramid.  The government also tells you that you MUST get a mammogram.  That you MUST get flu shots.  Our government tells you a lot of things that I think are bullshit.  (I wouldn't get a flu shot on a bet, but you go ahead if you want to) What is that old saying?  FOLLOW THE MONEY.  The food pyramid is a scam, plain and simple.  It's false, it's making you sick, and making you fat.  You are smart - find out for yourself.

GAWD I know I'm all preachy.  But to me this is better than researching narcissism.  For now.  It makes me feel like I'm doing something GOOD for myself, instead of looking for answers to my child abuse.

Eat Whole Foods.  Stop eating food from a box or a can.  Stop eating anything with more than one ingredient in it.  Like, eat MEAT.  Eat CARROTS.  Don't eat chemicals.  Please, just try it...?

Friday, September 6, 2013

Licorice Pizza

Hey Q!  This is the logo from the record store that was around when I was a small Glad (not a fully developed Gladys)
IF you will notice what she has in her hands, it is OBVIOUSLY a record.  I passed that sign so many times as a kid and thought "hey, I like that old vintage pizza sign" and never, ever, not one time, put together that - oh hell.  Yeah. 

This record store was around from the 70's, so from the time I was in Jr. Hi.  It was one of only a coupla places you could go and browse records.  For you youngsters, it was like the comic book store in Big Bang Theory.  But bigger, with good music playing (clerk's choice) and bongs and Zig Zag papers at the counter.

I remember the day that the meaning on the logo dawned on me  - I remember it CLEARLY.  I was like

"OH!  LICORICE PIZZA!  hey did you guys know...?" and the people I was with did this
and I felt very smart.

the end.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Narcs and life insurance


[quoted from the above blog] "Walking out I realized it never even occurred to me that my father would have taken out a life insurance policy. After all, what is life insurance? It's something you pay money for that will only benefit your family. You know, people that aren't you. Or in my father's case, not him. Why on Earth would he ever spend money on something like that?"

My own narc dad left my mother NOTHING.  I mean, she had the building (our house was a 4-plex) but no.  Not life insurance.

It had no benefit to him.  Why, indeed.