Random picture of me and EP France because this post goes downhill and I wanted SOMETHING fun in it.
I pretty much 100% removed my 'helpful' ass from the situation and that was that. I DO try and be helpful in situations like this, and that makes me sound so GOOD and ALTRUISTIC and it does, actually, come from a place of sincerely wanting to help.
But the fact is I'm BOSSY and opinionated and lack any patience or finesse of any kind. I just sort of move into a conversation or whatever and take it over because 'I know what I'm doing shut up and y'all stop yammering and just let me fix this' and yeah - that doesn't help much.
So anyway, once Jeff and I both declared "DONE!" there hasn't been much to talk about! Oh sure - the dad (King Narc) (crown available for taking since the One True King, MY dad, is dead as my '72 Pinto) is back in the nursing home. Mom and Brother pretty much strong-armed him into going there from the VA - as TW pointed out to me (and I told Jeff, but who knows where it went after that) the VA has advocates on staff for these situations and maybe they got one of them involved in this drama. I dunno. It's been quite a while since I've laid eyes on either mom or dad.
Mom called me the other night to make sure she and I were all right - oh crap I need to provide a wee bit of more backstory...
Jeff came home from a visit up there with a Waterford crystal booze decanter* and a mink coat circa 1984. The decanter was for us to keep (wtf?) and the coat was for me to try to sell. FINE - I started researching ebay and also found a fur storage place here in san diego (weird I know) that would do appraisals. Next day Jeff gets a text from his sister that *GO SLOW THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW*
text from his sister 'i wish you had told me about the coat' which ???<--srsly him walking in with that coat was a surprise to ME I'd forgotten she had it. Also sister said 'mom said Casey will help sell waterford crystal for a 3% fee (oh, snap) and that mom feels like vultures are circling.
AWE HELLS NAW.
Didn't even remember the existance of the coat. Told brother I would EAT any and all ebay/paypal fees which is not an inconsiderable amount. 3% is too weird of a number for me to have mentioned (remember the weird $45/wk they mentioned for one of the grandsons to help the narc king?) and then. VULTURES. reeaaaaly. even in those two fucked up sentences prior, vulturing (totally a word) was never mentioned. If I was a vulture, wouldn't I be circling trying to pick off the best stuff for myself? i DID offer to sell the waterford crap she has, like 8 huge heavy vases and candlesticks (xmas gifts because people have to give STUFF and what else do you get for an old lady but stupid fucking vases??) but I offered to EAT my ebay/paypal fees and most likely the postage but I offered that because THEY WERE BEGGING FOR $45/WEEK. If you are that broke, sell your shit. SO, of course, it got turned about and THAT is when I declared NO MORE.
The coat went immedicately back to mom and we were forced to accept the decanter as she said 'it's a Captain's decanter! Jeff was in the Navy! He MUST have it!' which, no - it's a 'SHIP'S decanter, same enough I spose, and absolutely nothing in our world would indicate that we need a booze decanter. Looks like this:
Not the same one but this exact thing. I dream of Jeannie?
*(also found out that keeping booze in a lead crystal decanter leaches the lead out and puts it right in your system. ALSO there is so much discoloration/cloudy stuff in this one because of the harsh booze/lead combo I cant get it out. I've tried dental tablets and CLR/LIME AWAY and nah. Imma try a big old bat next. Too bad it's worth about $250 because I HATE IT the ugly thing.
Coat is this exact one, image ganked from Ebay again.
They have like 4 more decanters, plus that mink coat SOUTHFORK CALLED J.R.EWING WANTS HIS PROPS BACK.
ANYwhozle - I told brother about the texts. Because transparancy dammit. My opinion? Mom is a big fat manipulator herself hiding behind the foggy memory/pitiful forgetfulness crap. So she told sister a different story about the coat/crystal, and had no idea it would get back to us via the power of instant text. (sad that sister believed mom, as she knows the manipulations, but sister is fighting her own demons of ambivalence toward her dads death so *shrug* grain of salt and all that). I told brother in very, VERY sharp terms, that I. AM. OUT. That was the last straw for me. That he knows specifically I said I would help sell that crap for ZERO dollars, so how did mom get the 3% thing in her head?? That Jeff and I ARE NOT VULTURES and there will be no help forthcoming from us in any direction at this point. That the coat and decanter are coming back (he said do what you want with the decanter, mom bequeathed it to Jeff, didnt want to argue over an ugly piece of glass so I let that one go). Brother expressed surprise at all of this, I said whatever - I'm out, you and your brother and your sister are on the front lines and I am simply here to stand behind my husband and not be involved in any of the crap. NOT MAD and sister or brother, just walking away.
So then mom called me and *airy fairy voice* wanted to make sure she and I were ok. I was both gracious and firm. Yes, we're ok. No, I'm out of it. Here is what was said (went over it all again) here is my reaction, I have no problems with anyone, this is like a game of Jr. Hi prom queen status, and I'm out. She tried the old 'dad is just angry and scared and doesnt know what he says' and I would have none of that either. Told her what dad had done has consequences and he is suffering those now. Jeff hasn't been up to see him since before the blow out. Didn't go this last Sunday either. He can't get up the energy to get yelled at, lol.
Jeff HAS received a text from brother, saying that dad is now blaming brother for spending all their money. I... it's ludicrous. It's a cornered wolverine. It's stupid. Brother's text went on to say 'don't think dad has forgotten about you, you are next in line' (for yelling) which probably is why Jeff ain't going near that shit storm no matter what.
I didn't mean to have to go into all of this damned crap but it helps me to keep it sorted. Really it was over and done in a very short time frame. Once we got the text from sister that we are vultures I wanted to delete all their phone numbers and block them, but decided to wait on that just in case the old bastard dies and jeff happens to be in a meeting or whatever. I'm not making a sweeping dramatic exit, is what I'm saying. Just walking.
HONESTLY? I've thought about calling my own mother lately because she wasn't as bad as all of this. Haven't done it tho. All I have to do is remember how she was toward my kid the last time I saw her and the feeling passes, *snap* just like that. har.
OH WaIT - did I tell you this gem? When all the HELP US WITH MONEY crap was going down, after brothers infamous trip to fucking BAKER, ca, Jeff said to his dad "why don't you sell the house, sell the stuff, find a place you can afford... dad's instant, interrupting reply?
I'LL BURN IT DOWN FIRST, SON.
ok, yeah, because that makes sense... They don't want to help themselves, he just wants what he wants right now I mean it wahhhh!
Let's say you're 83 and facing down the barrel of death, one or the other of you. You have a house that you've lived in for almost 40 years. WHICH MEANS:
lawn mower, saws, christmas decor, towels, books, waterford crystal, waffle maker, 3 or 4 hoses, giant casserole pans and dishes, table cloths, sterling silver serving dishes/flatware for Xmas/Easter dinners, oh jeeezhus the list just goes on.
Not to mention the house that you can no longer keep up - dusting the cobwebs out of the corners, sweeping spider eggs out from under outdoor furniture, moving the sofa to vacuum, clearing out old medications, sweeping out the garage ET CET ER UH.
This ties into my revulsion at the attachment to fucking stuff. Keep photos. Keep a memento or two. But all of this random crap that could be sold at a yard sale or included with the house sale...? it boggles the mind. Keep what you use, and the few things that are precious. DOWNSIZE. Enjoy the last 10 years or whatever.
'I'll burn it down first'. <--tell me what YOU think that means. I'm not selling my house and moving, I want YOU (the collective) to help me stay right here. HERE being relative because he's in a nursing home and mom and brother could very well manage a little 2-bedroom apartment by themselves.
Any of you remember Pip? Mrs. Havisham? The wedding banquet? YES. Exactly.