Who gave you your label? Which narcissist told you that you were the fat one. Or the good one. Too stupid to learn, too ugly for boys? Who told you what you like, what you don't like, who dared to tell you who you are? Those bastards with their pointing fingers, their blame - they told you. They gave it to you. They shoved you into that shirt.
Did you choose your label? Oh hell no, not a chance, not in a narcissist's world. The narc chooses which role you will play in their world, and it has nothing to do with your skillset. It has everything to do with what the narc needs. It has to do with how much bending you were willing to do to become that actor. How far they can push you to fit into what they need you to be. You weren't asked for your preference - that is the antithesis of being a narcissist. They only choose things that hurt you. It is better for them if you DON'T want it, because then they get the pleasure of forcing you. Of watching your shame and suffering. That is the whole point.
We were babies. We did what we were told. We played the role we were given so that we could be part of the family. There were no options. There was only subservience. Acquiescence. Malleability. Fear. There was only fear. Because they rule with absolute power, unpredictability, fear. Keeping you off balance. Never secure - we always had to look to them for the answers. And the answer was always the same - fear. And we carry that pain with us every day. The words of scorn and blame never leave, they rattle like echoes in your head. A never-ending tape of ridicule and self-loathing. And the narcissists know it - they still see it in your eyes. They love it and they still need to see it, still need you to stay in your role and perform for them, still need your anguish and tears and fear.
It's all they want. All they see - the only thing that makes them hum. Fear. Well, that and adoration, but they despise anyone who adores them - it's a stiletto knife in your heart with a smile.
Do you like that shirt you're wearing? Are you sick and tired of playing the part? You must be. You're here, reading this. You're looking for a way out. You are tired, and worn out. Sick with stress and sick of being an adult and still being afraid. That shirt that they picked out for you, your disgusting narcissistic abusive parents - it doesn't fit - it never did.
YOU CAN TAKE IT OFF.
You can say 'no'. That's what we all talk about, the boundaries we are always going on about out here in ACoN land. Finally taking off the costume they have forced you to wear. That costume of shame and guilt and fear. The shirt with DOORMAT printed on both sides. You are an adult. You have power over your own life. You can choose who you are, and who you become. You can choose what you like, what you prefer. How you spend your time. When you are available and when you are not. How strange that sounds, that your time, your SELF, is your own. You can say 'NO'.
What a relief it will be when you stop dancing. Get away from them. Stop living in fear. Stop living in shame. You get to choose.
If you had a puppy, and the kibble you were feeding your puppy made him sick - vomit, diarrhea, pain - wouldn't you throw out that kibble and buy new? Find the one that made him happy and healthy? you wouldn't force your dog to starve or eat the poisonous kibble. You wouldn't force misery on your dog.
Why are you forcing it on yourself?