Thursday, October 4, 2012

To get free from the narcs, first you have to get angry. ANGER does not smell like 'prey'

In my opinion, human beings grow to be one of three types.  Predator, prey, or the nebulous OTHER.

The predator is a hunter, first and foremost.  In the human predator, the endgame is not eating the victim (unless you are like Jeffrey Dahlmer, in which case ew).  The ultimate goal for the predator is THE HUNT ITSELF.  It is the whole point, and it is what feeds them.  Sure, they need food like a regular human, but without the hunt they would shrivel and die.   A predator is born into this world, and discovers his/her natural abilities to hunt along with the knowledge that this is the only thing that can bring satisfaction.  They spend their lifetimes honing this skill.  A predator can grow to be a psychopathic killer, sure.  But they also grow to be police.  Detectives.  Corporate lawyers or criminal defense attorneys.  They become our heroes – the ultimate hunter, Navy Seals or the Green Berets or Marine Corps Snipers – they hunt, and in these cases they hunt the enemy.  If you are ever in need of an attorney for any reason, I hope like hell you get a very hungry predator of an attorney. 

Narcs ß(ah ha, we have gotten to the nut of the thing) narcs hunt prey humans.  And prey humans – we look and act a certain way.  We are the wounded antelope to the narc’s lioness.  As prey, (and oh boy, have I been prey) we are uncertain.  We are SO UNCERTAIN we have crippled our decision bone.  We ask for advice, and need a lot of it but heed little of it.  We walk with heads down, shoulders hunched, as if against a wind.  Life is blowing us around and we grab at anything to stay still.  We do not heed our internal gut instincts – instincts that shout:  do not date that man/woman!  Do not get on that bus, get out of this alley, etc.  We pick up parental figures on our way, strong people who can anchor us and TELL US WHAT TO DO, for chrissakes tell me what to do?  How do I save money/how do I fix this bike/how do I cook a roast JEEBUS we are unsure, awkward, and uncertain.  And that, people – that smells JUST LIKE PREY to a narc.  They find us with unerring accuracy – (or we are born to them, and they hone their skills at home and we are TRAINED from the womb to be prey – that’s how adult narcs find us later).  But even narcs with children hunt for other prey – the HUNT is the point.  I keep hearing how it is some sick game to a narc – it is not a game.  It is life or death.  It is NOT a game.  Not to the predator.  And the hunt doesn't end when they capture you - it is fear that feeds them so as long as you are in their grasp, they are hunting you.  Daily.  Hour by hour.  You know it's true - you actually FEEL like a mouse cornered by a snake.  They just keep stalking you.  Right there in your house, in your living room.  Hunt, hunt, hunt.

The only way to avoid these people or win your freedom is to become “not-prey”.  This is the nebulous “other” I was speaking of.  We do not hunt, and we will NOT be hunted.  We live much like elephants I guess – nobody fucks with them and if it DOES happen, it ain’t pretty.  I am more than happy to leave the hunting to the predator animals.  I love that there are detectives and military personnel and attorneys who will fight for the rest of us.  (God forbid if I become prey and a Navy Seal or a really aggressive attorney is hunting me.  Hunters scare me and that is GOOD, they are scary).  But I stay out of their way.  After I got free of the narcs I stopped inviting predators into my world.  Before that I had dated two different cops, then a military guy and also worked for attorneys.  I was used to being prey, and these people were familiar to me even if they made me uncomfortable.  I HAD BEEN TAUGHT TO BE PREY.  I was giving off ‘hunt me’ signals like the RKO radio tower.  Like the scent trail in a cartoon about baking cookies, they follow that smell and it is like heaven to them. 
I like that the good hunters are out àthere.  I certainly don’t invite them into my world anymore.  And I can smell them now too – sense them.  I actually can’t even stand near a hunter (good OR bad) in a social situation or even in line at the store.  I get a ‘vibe’ that overrides every circuit and I have to move away.  It’s a handy skill.  You will learn it.

In order to get the narcs out of your life – you have to stop smelling like prey.  YOU HAVE TO.  And the short answer to that is self-confidence.  Which sounds all self-helpy and new-agey and ugh.  But if you want to stop them hunting you, you have to emit a different signal.  Those of us who have learned the hard way, AND those people who never were prey to begin with – we all are giving off a different ‘smell’.  And those of us who learned the hard way?  That different smell first smelled like RAGE.  Absolute, in your face, look at me or touch me again and I will rip your throat out RAGE.  There is strength in anger – it means you are protecting yourself and will not stop.  To beat this hunting metaphor to death – imagine the lioness attacking a huge crocodile instead of you, the wounded antelope.  What does the croc do?  RAGE.  Attack back.  Read that again.  ATTACK BACK.  Show your teeth, beat with your tail, charge into them and SNAP off a leg.  Rage.  It’s what’s for dinner.  Only after you show a hunter that you will NOT be prey will they back off.  AND THEY ALWAYS DO.  They can find easier prey.  Sadly, it is always out there.

First, you get angry.  Angry at them, angry at fate, and very, very angry at whatever instinct you were born with/into that made you prey.  This is important – not to beat yourself up, but to force yourself to examine what makes you prey, and STOP IT RIGHT NOW I MEAN IT.  It takes some time, and introspection – but you do not have time to sit by a tree and strum a lute and ponder.  You have all of this information now, all of these blogs.  And we are teaching you step by step, how to do this.  And it has to be soon – you will only get weaker as you bleed out and the narc gets stronger.  YOU MUST CHANGE.  Stop being the prey animal.  Become the croc.  BE the croc.  Then the self-confident elephant.  (then we buy a zoo and live happily ever after I AM INSANE WITH THESE ANIMALS SOMEONE HELP ME)

I think I am making this sound so easy, just make a decision.  IT IS NOT EASY.  We have been very well trained to be prey animals.  Overriding that circuitry takes great concentration, and incredible force of will.  It is very, very difficult.  But you are fighting for your life.  You can do it.
Really, the first and only NECESSARY step is to stop them in their tracks (the croc move) and then get the fuck away from them.  Get out.  Somehow, some way, get away from them.  No phone, no email, no visits, nothing.  Get away from the predator, they only want to hunt you.
But while you are struggling to get away, to get out, you must fight back.  Fighting back requires skill.  And cleverness.  One must be sly and tricksy like Hobbitses when enmeshed with the narc.  But that is the second step, and Tundra Woman and I are already devising an online course (lol) for those of you interested in our nefarious plans of attack.  Right now we are in my comment section cackling and cooing over a great caldron of stewing revenge.  Come on in if you can stand the smell – we has ideas, oh yes we does, and we need yours!


  1. So many great points, Gladys. Particularly about what's under all that MN crap: FEAR. Yep, they're actually gutless wonders and when you discover this, it's freeing as hell. But first, ya gotta reach down in there and find your Righteous Indignation. I use that term because ACoNs often equate anger with a "not PC" connotation. Your Predator is "allowed" to Rage (loudly or a la Silent Treatment) all over YOUR life at will, and you meekly try to ameliorate their Rage. Doesn't work-just feeds their sense of Power and Control OVER you.
    That underlying Fear of these POS poseurs? They're terrified of loosing you as a source of Supply. Being the Proactive Predators they are, they keep you continually off-guard with these kinds of tactics as well as a predictable plethora of others we know so well resulting in an overwhelming barrage of complete mind-fuckery to you, the (so far) hapless Prey.
    So IMO, here's the deal: If what you've been doing has availed you not *one* single positive outcome, you have not *one* single thing to "loose" by trying something different, right? Here's where your Righteous Indignation (c'mon, it's IN there) comes into play: You go toe to toe with the Predator. If getting up in their face is a bit too terrifying initially, use their gaslighting tactics back on them. Become "unpredictable." Say "No" when you're default is ALWAYS "Yes" and walk away. They follow you yammering/screaming etc. you wheel around and with a squinty eyed nasty look on your face, spit out "I SAID NO." Get up in their face/personal space when you do this. Don't move-wait for the shock to register and watch them step back. They will. They certainly did not expect this response. It's one of those very small things that's actually "points" for you and your confidence (backbone as described in your Post.)
    They gotta have it ALL and you ARE the "IT": The object of their Supply and therefore anyone/anything else in your world from your family, pets, interests, employment etc. are threats to their Supply. Their key here is very simple: They isolate you from any of the preceding any way they can and there's too many variations on this to count. Don't let 'em do that: Don't believe a word that comes out of their mouths when ex: they tell you your spouse said/did blaa-blaa. No they didn't, I can absolutely assure you. Litmus Test for MNs: Are they breathing? They're lying.
    I do believe a "Fact Finding Mission" in terms of reading what the "Experts" say is useful in so far as it's validating and it gives you a framework in which to think. Now you can drag that out indefinitely. You can "know" intellectually everything there is to know about this phenomena but the reality is, you've identified enough of the "Problem" to know what it is and how it applies to your life. Since you're in the trenches, that book, that PC isn't gonna help you any further when you're in the middle of a mortar/artillery attack. Time to pick up your weapons and start firing back.
    As Gladys stated above, you're fighting for your very life.

  2. I too am perfecting a system of self empowerment. The beta version first lesson is to tie a pork chop around my neck and lie very still in the hopes that my neighbors dog that barks all night long will get close enough for me to get my hands on.
    I think with some tweaking this will also work on narcissists.
    Maybe use a roll of twenties instead of a pork chop.
    But you get the idea.

  3. Hahahaha loved this post, the bit about the elephants made me laugh out loud :) I want to be an elephant and to say to the croc: Get out of my way, you ridiculous piece of cucumber!!!