Here's the thing. These people we met are fabulous, funny, and just our type. We have more friends HERE in this new weird place than we EVER did in Southern California where we had both lived forever. I thought it was like, serendipity or fate or something like that, meaningful! And honestly, it's still great.
But after a year, the cracks start to show. We don't see these people THAT often. Jeff sees the two women and one of the guys once a week at least because of work meetings. We see one boyfriend because he is the manager of the Buffalo Wild Wings (the only social game in town, no shit. We go there and play the tv trivia or poker game. *sigh*). But we get together for Sunday football or a happy hour or like they all came to a happy hour for my birthday, stuff like that. (Still not drinking. It's been 4 weeks). But by now we've heard THEIR back stories, lived through a breakup/get back together issue, seen a guy get stalked by his soon-to-be ex wife, etc. Those "party shields" are starting to break down.
Mine included. A year is a LONG time for me to pretend I'm not crazy, even around crazy people.
So one day a couple of weeks ago all the women were clacking in one corner and we PINKY SWORE we would do NO xmas presents. NONE. I led the charge because this is near and dear to my soul. The others professed as much disdain for the process as i did. I told them, in NO uncertain terms, "don't get me a calendar. Do NOT get me cute xmas socks. I want nothing from you, no kidding." See, I wasn't winking, or being ambiguous - I feel so strongly about this in fact that I thought maybe I was being too harsh. Turns out, no.
The very next time we see these people, one of the women pushes a small fucking wrapped box at Jeff and I. I lost my mind. I got really mad. No hyperbole here, I got that 'look' on my face and I was just pissed. She immediately says "NO no! it's just funny! It's just silly!". Here's what it was.
Also, she wrapped it. Paper and tape. I looked at her (swear to god) and said 'what am I supposed to do with this NOW. Now I have to give this to goodwill.' Aaaand, there you have it. I pissed her off.
I also pissed off the other woman by saying "whatever you think you are bringing us for a gift, WE DON'T WANT IT". Yeah, I'm not so good at tact when I'm mad. She said it wasn't for ME anyway, it was for Jeff. Fucking god.
See, I'm of the opinion that I get to fucking PICK if I exchange gifts with you. And I unequivocally DO. NOT. WANT. TO. I like you fine. I am NOT buying gifts. Not even a bottle of wine. It's all CRAP to me, I want to see you and have fun stop bringing gifts, they are then OBLIGATIONS and these people all make about a hundred grand a year, we can all buy our own fucking wine. Shit balls.
I sound scroogy and ungrateful but I really don't care. This same woman bought me THIS for my birthday:
Not mine, ganked the picture off the webz but it's the same thing.
Sooo, what am I sposed to do with that. Get a Dolly Parton wig and stage it? Why the fuck to people buy all this CRAP and pass it around??
And it triggered my considerable TEMPER and I have been having very harsh pretend conversations with her like, when I'm in the shower (tell me you do this too) and all - really yelling (pretending she is there) because this just makes me so angry and I couldn't figure out why, until I started writing and *pow* it just came to me, thank you blog.
You don't really KNOW me. You don't know anything about me. Nobody does. I am not hard to figure out, but people don't ever like the things I like, so they don't like to buy them for me. They try and lead me in another direction with their gifts or they think THIS is cuter than YOUR stuff, and it's almost the same thing! (The glass head vs. all of the ceramic faces I have from the 40's). No. No it isn't. People think I'm weird, and my stuff is weird, and they don't GET it, so they *bleep* past it and buy me a kitten calendar or some fucking backscratcher or a KNITTING BOOK (seriously) that I then have to give away.
It exemplifies to me that I live all alone inside my head. NOBODY, ever, EVER, has actually gotten me. My kid and my niece come the closest. But 'soul mate'? shit.
Jeff knows that he doesn't KNOW. He likes my stuff, he lives with it. He sort of gets why I like it. But he would never go out on a limb and buy clothes or knick-knacks for me. The jewelry he has bought me, including my engagement ring, he took me with him to pick it out. (did you know jewelry stores have CLEARANCE RACKS?? oh yeah, got my ring on supah sale, that's how I roll). And he understands my aversion to stuff. He is VERY encouraging of my 'donation pile'. Why are people fascinated with crap?
Oh hell, this post is lost. I'm calling it done. I have no idea what my point was.